Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Frustartion part 2
So i love ancient history, mostly greek and roman. And our museum is having a great Pompeii exhibit and you know what was sad, the only people i though i could go with, were the little kids i nanny for. Having no real friends since i was a little kid, I'm used to being alone. But sometimes, like this is gets me. I wish i could call someone and say, hey wanna go to this with me? But there is very literally no one. I'm going alone which is big for me but it's a museum full of kids so I'm more comfortable. I also found out about a roman festival going on in a park near me and i can't go alone because it's too many people and too out in the open. And i want so badly to have a friend to go with. And i can't. I want a friend. Just one, is that so hard? But i can't meet anyone. I can't go into public places to meet people my age and even if i could, I'd shut down. Everyone deserves a friend don't they? I'm cute, I'm funny, I'm sweet. Why doesn't anyone like me? It sucks. My fucking best friend is a 11 pound poodle. I'm sorry this is getting a bit upsetting. Thanks for listening.
Frustartion
So i haven't written in a while mostly 'cause i forgot. But i have stuff to talk about so I'm going to do it in two posts. My first is my issues with my education. I'm not sure I've mentioned before that i left school due to my anxiety. I was so excited for my freshman year even though i knew it would be a struggle. Luckily my school had a great disability program and i was able to get on campus housing as a single because i could NOT deal with a roommate. I mean take the normal issues you have with rooming with a stranger and add in the fact that i would freak out if she didn't lock the door, or brought someone back to the room, or i'd be scared she'd tamper with my food or drinks, and i would consistently be analyzing my movements, actions, and look which is bad enough out in the world, but to feel like that in your own room is just too much.
Unfortunately, i couldn't go to my classes. Too many people in one room. I felt they were all looking at me and spent more time wondering if they were or if i looked ok than what the professor was saying. And since i fidget a LOT, i always worried that every movement would catch someone's eye. Not to mention the fact that i was pre-vet so i had labs which had small groups. I can't do small groups. And the exams were at night in buildings i didn't usually go to. So i didn't go to the labs, or the tests, then eventually the classes. I'd do the homework which was online because i liked it and i have a near genius IQ so it's not like the work was to hard, but for two years, i literally had a 0.0 gpa.
With disability's help i had my first two years basically thrown out . I left school for a semester to go to anxiety clinic near my hometown and felt i was ready to go back again and since i had my apartment and my dog, both which helped, i still couldn't function and chose to leave.
I wanted to be a vet, i really did. I love animals and i loved the career path but i couldn't do it. I wish i could say i worked my ass off while i was in school but i didn't. I couldn't even make myself go to class. And it had nothing to do with a lack of motivation as my parents believe. It was like a mental block that caused a psychical barrier. I could not cross it to go to class. And i missed it. I read the notes and took the pre-tests and did the homework but i couldn't go to class. I'm not sure my parents even know how much i studied material off the Internet to make myself feel like i was doing something. I wanted it so bad. Still do.
So now i have few options. I can go to school online for a degree. But in what? I can't become a vet online. I love children so there is that option but my love is for preschool children which makes no money and there is very little advancement opportunities. I love kids, but I'm not excited about teaching. I'm signing up for the classes, but my heart isn't there. It's no where. It's busy breaking for the life i will never lead.
And it frustrates the fuck out of me that my parents want me to be so much more and they think I'm a healthier mentally than i am. I think they're sick of having to deal with my issues whether they admit it or not. My dad pretends it doesn't exist and my mom tries but she doesn't understand a lot and i don't blame them. I wish i could do what i was meant to in life but i don't think it's in the cards for me. My life is heading no where which is sad. I very much see myself being an old, single, hell virgin prob., woman with a job she hates and a life she wishes was different. It's defeatist, but 15 years of having no self esteem or friends or successes will do that to you.
I want to be happy, but is it sad i no longer believe there is such a thing for me?
Unfortunately, i couldn't go to my classes. Too many people in one room. I felt they were all looking at me and spent more time wondering if they were or if i looked ok than what the professor was saying. And since i fidget a LOT, i always worried that every movement would catch someone's eye. Not to mention the fact that i was pre-vet so i had labs which had small groups. I can't do small groups. And the exams were at night in buildings i didn't usually go to. So i didn't go to the labs, or the tests, then eventually the classes. I'd do the homework which was online because i liked it and i have a near genius IQ so it's not like the work was to hard, but for two years, i literally had a 0.0 gpa.
With disability's help i had my first two years basically thrown out . I left school for a semester to go to anxiety clinic near my hometown and felt i was ready to go back again and since i had my apartment and my dog, both which helped, i still couldn't function and chose to leave.
I wanted to be a vet, i really did. I love animals and i loved the career path but i couldn't do it. I wish i could say i worked my ass off while i was in school but i didn't. I couldn't even make myself go to class. And it had nothing to do with a lack of motivation as my parents believe. It was like a mental block that caused a psychical barrier. I could not cross it to go to class. And i missed it. I read the notes and took the pre-tests and did the homework but i couldn't go to class. I'm not sure my parents even know how much i studied material off the Internet to make myself feel like i was doing something. I wanted it so bad. Still do.
So now i have few options. I can go to school online for a degree. But in what? I can't become a vet online. I love children so there is that option but my love is for preschool children which makes no money and there is very little advancement opportunities. I love kids, but I'm not excited about teaching. I'm signing up for the classes, but my heart isn't there. It's no where. It's busy breaking for the life i will never lead.
And it frustrates the fuck out of me that my parents want me to be so much more and they think I'm a healthier mentally than i am. I think they're sick of having to deal with my issues whether they admit it or not. My dad pretends it doesn't exist and my mom tries but she doesn't understand a lot and i don't blame them. I wish i could do what i was meant to in life but i don't think it's in the cards for me. My life is heading no where which is sad. I very much see myself being an old, single, hell virgin prob., woman with a job she hates and a life she wishes was different. It's defeatist, but 15 years of having no self esteem or friends or successes will do that to you.
I want to be happy, but is it sad i no longer believe there is such a thing for me?
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Off
Hi all. I forgot to mention i will be away for 9 days so i doubt I'll be posting but you never know. See you guys soon!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Vacation Anxiety ( get it? )
So before i get to the main post, i want to just share that the little thing on the side of my head that i thought was a tumor now hurts. Which leads me to believe its a pimple but I'm actually terrified it's not and will more that likely go to a doctor when i get home from vacation which normally i wouldn't do but the fact that its movable and now hurts is seriously freaking me out. Now to the vacation.
I'm going on a cruise on Sunday but tomorrow we are making an eight hour drive which is seriously freaking me out. I have an irrational fear of vomiting. When i was younger i slept in my parents room because it was closer to the bathroom. I mean it was bad, and it got better, manageable when i talked to a shrink, although it could also be age. But whenever my stomach hurts i ALWAYS freak that I'm going to throw up. And it's NOT just the fear of throwing up either.
It's the fear of doing it in public. I'm terrified of throwing up in front of people, you know not making it to the bathroom in my time. It's just irrational and stupid but consumes me. i have maybe two bags of mints a month since i pop them when i get a stomach ache since peppermint calms them. And the sugar causes cavities, but moving on.
So eight hours in a car and I'm TERRIFIED of throwing up or getting sick while in the car. It's irrational and stupid but it's all that's running through my head now. Well night.
I'm going on a cruise on Sunday but tomorrow we are making an eight hour drive which is seriously freaking me out. I have an irrational fear of vomiting. When i was younger i slept in my parents room because it was closer to the bathroom. I mean it was bad, and it got better, manageable when i talked to a shrink, although it could also be age. But whenever my stomach hurts i ALWAYS freak that I'm going to throw up. And it's NOT just the fear of throwing up either.
It's the fear of doing it in public. I'm terrified of throwing up in front of people, you know not making it to the bathroom in my time. It's just irrational and stupid but consumes me. i have maybe two bags of mints a month since i pop them when i get a stomach ache since peppermint calms them. And the sugar causes cavities, but moving on.
So eight hours in a car and I'm TERRIFIED of throwing up or getting sick while in the car. It's irrational and stupid but it's all that's running through my head now. Well night.
Monday, July 7, 2008
3 things today
So double fun, make that triple fun tonight!
1. I think i have some sort of joint disease. My wrist started hurting my last week and my thumb when i move them which idk isn't all that odd but now one side of jaw is KILLING ME which again not odd since i have TMJ and it does this every so often although this is the worst it's been. So i got it in my head that since i have 3 joints hurting me, something is seriously wrong with me and it's bugging me a lot since this is a real symptom that is kind of constant. But advil is helping so that means I'm not dying right?
2. There was a turtle in my backyard so after search for a pond to put him in ( he got a ride in my car, lucky reptile ) i found this muddy little one. I put him on the bank but he slid into the water and his head didn't come out and i was worried he was hurt so i put my hand in the water and pulled him out but the water was nasty so now since i had a tiny cut on my finger, I'm convinced I'm going to get flesh eating bacteria.
3. I'll get to 3 tomorrow, I'm honestly too stressed and running on too little sleep at the moment.
1. I think i have some sort of joint disease. My wrist started hurting my last week and my thumb when i move them which idk isn't all that odd but now one side of jaw is KILLING ME which again not odd since i have TMJ and it does this every so often although this is the worst it's been. So i got it in my head that since i have 3 joints hurting me, something is seriously wrong with me and it's bugging me a lot since this is a real symptom that is kind of constant. But advil is helping so that means I'm not dying right?
2. There was a turtle in my backyard so after search for a pond to put him in ( he got a ride in my car, lucky reptile ) i found this muddy little one. I put him on the bank but he slid into the water and his head didn't come out and i was worried he was hurt so i put my hand in the water and pulled him out but the water was nasty so now since i had a tiny cut on my finger, I'm convinced I'm going to get flesh eating bacteria.
3. I'll get to 3 tomorrow, I'm honestly too stressed and running on too little sleep at the moment.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
messed up
Hi guys. So I'll delve a little into the GAD stuff here for a moment since something happened today that caused a big panic attack. My mother, father, and myself were out at dinner and i guess before that the parents had been with friends who were mad at my dad that he was overweight and not doing anything to get healthy. So at dinner my mom says "so how much life insurance do you have now?" And she asked it quite a few times and wouldn't let up. So of course being as fucked up as my idiot brain is, i go to the out there thoughts.
My first thought was "she plans to kill him" which comes from NO WHERE. They love each so much it's sickening. I mean seriously they're like high school kids sometimes. But that is where my mind goes. And i told her to stop but she didn't listen. So i know at this point without a doubt i will not be able to trust her for at least a few weeks, maybe more. And then since we're going on a cruise next week, I'll be worried the whole time about my dad on the boat which sucks because i worry about my 18 year old brother on the boat getting hurt all the time so i try to stay up until he comes in the door.
And then in the car ride home, my mum was getting on my dad about his weight again and he was joking (which he does) and she got out of the car and instead of going straight ( where the garage is ) she heads right towards the front door, which isn't open. And i just freak. All those insane thoughts just fire off and I'm convinced she's done something to the car and is walking away from the car so she doesn't get hurt. I mean i had to jump out of the car and have myself a fan-fuckin-tastic panic attack FOR NO FUCKING REASON!
I mean i get annoyed with myself for thinking it and annoyed with my mom for still saying it knowing how i think and at the same time all i can think about is my dad dying and i feel bad for my mom that I'm thinkingthis about her. But i just can't help it. It's like a god-damn tumor attached to my common sense that just fires out asinine idiotic thoughts that get stuck there and don't go away. Sigh. It's a shitty way to live but i don't have a choice.
My first thought was "she plans to kill him" which comes from NO WHERE. They love each so much it's sickening. I mean seriously they're like high school kids sometimes. But that is where my mind goes. And i told her to stop but she didn't listen. So i know at this point without a doubt i will not be able to trust her for at least a few weeks, maybe more. And then since we're going on a cruise next week, I'll be worried the whole time about my dad on the boat which sucks because i worry about my 18 year old brother on the boat getting hurt all the time so i try to stay up until he comes in the door.
And then in the car ride home, my mum was getting on my dad about his weight again and he was joking (which he does) and she got out of the car and instead of going straight ( where the garage is ) she heads right towards the front door, which isn't open. And i just freak. All those insane thoughts just fire off and I'm convinced she's done something to the car and is walking away from the car so she doesn't get hurt. I mean i had to jump out of the car and have myself a fan-fuckin-tastic panic attack FOR NO FUCKING REASON!
I mean i get annoyed with myself for thinking it and annoyed with my mom for still saying it knowing how i think and at the same time all i can think about is my dad dying and i feel bad for my mom that I'm thinkingthis about her. But i just can't help it. It's like a god-damn tumor attached to my common sense that just fires out asinine idiotic thoughts that get stuck there and don't go away. Sigh. It's a shitty way to live but i don't have a choice.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Social Anxiety
So i know i said i had social anxiety in my first post but haven't talked about mainly because i don't really go into social situations. Let me state first of all that i have no friends. I have never had a close friend in my life and my "friends" in high school, i truly believe were using me. So it's not like i can call someone up and say hey I'm bored lets do something. Nobody to do it with. Not that i can go many places. And the other sad thing is, i'm used to being alone. It's the norm for me.
I'm 22 and have never been to a bar, or a club. They terrify me. I am convinced people are laughing at me, talking about me. I hear people laughing and i KNOW its about me. Even if they are across a room, i know it's about me. Those thoughts almost suffocate me, to the point where it feels like there is no air. My mind retreats in on itself and i just go numb to protect myself. It sucks.
On the other hand I'm convinced someone in a bar or club would try to hurt me, kill me, rape me. Everyone is a suspect in my mind. I don't trust people. Hell, i don't trust people i know, let alone strangers. So as you can imagine, it's insanely hard to meet people.
I mean i don't know if i will ever have a friend. I'm still at a loss as to how I'll ever get married. I'm 22 freakin years old, I've never had a boyfriend, or a kiss. It's sad. But even if i could meet someone, how would i ever be able to trust them? I don't know if i could. Sometimes i don't even trust my parents. I mean i used to check my cups because i was afraid they'd poisoned them! I mean how sick is that? In my mind, in the sane part anyways, i know its ridiculous but that lil' part that says otherwise is just enough to fuck me up.
Sigh, well I've depressed myself enough for one day lol. I will ask one semi-funny question to those of you who read this. Does anyone else with social anxiety find shy people annoying? lol. I think we need crazy outgoing people in our lives to pull us out of that shell. Or maybe it's just me. Until next time!
I'm 22 and have never been to a bar, or a club. They terrify me. I am convinced people are laughing at me, talking about me. I hear people laughing and i KNOW its about me. Even if they are across a room, i know it's about me. Those thoughts almost suffocate me, to the point where it feels like there is no air. My mind retreats in on itself and i just go numb to protect myself. It sucks.
On the other hand I'm convinced someone in a bar or club would try to hurt me, kill me, rape me. Everyone is a suspect in my mind. I don't trust people. Hell, i don't trust people i know, let alone strangers. So as you can imagine, it's insanely hard to meet people.
I mean i don't know if i will ever have a friend. I'm still at a loss as to how I'll ever get married. I'm 22 freakin years old, I've never had a boyfriend, or a kiss. It's sad. But even if i could meet someone, how would i ever be able to trust them? I don't know if i could. Sometimes i don't even trust my parents. I mean i used to check my cups because i was afraid they'd poisoned them! I mean how sick is that? In my mind, in the sane part anyways, i know its ridiculous but that lil' part that says otherwise is just enough to fuck me up.
Sigh, well I've depressed myself enough for one day lol. I will ask one semi-funny question to those of you who read this. Does anyone else with social anxiety find shy people annoying? lol. I think we need crazy outgoing people in our lives to pull us out of that shell. Or maybe it's just me. Until next time!
Friday, July 4, 2008
I'm not a great blogger
So i thought i had posted the past two days, i wrote stuff down, where it is, couldn't tell you... I'm a blogging virgin...give me a break lol. So i guess I'll recap the past two nights since i can't recall the other night.
Basically two nights ago, i was laying in my bed, and when I'm tired and trying to sleep ( i have insomnia ) i scratch my head. I know it's odd but it's just a habit. So i had my hand right above my right ear and i felt something. Now i actually knew it was there since i found it years ago. It's a little raised thing that when i touch it, i can move it. Like there's something under my skin that isn't attached right. Now since I've had it for years and it hasn't grown i should say "eh whatever" but you know, it's me so i can't.
I was convinced it was a tumor when i found it before, and I'm convinced it is again. Two nights ago it just freaked me out but last night i was running through scenarios in my head where i was being told i had a very short time left to live. And it wouldn't go away. I mean i SAW myself saying goodbye to people. It's a horrid feeling let me tell you. I honestly can't write much more since I'm freaking myself out more. I'm going to post a little later about my social anxiety since i haven't touched on it yet. Until then, stay sane.
Basically two nights ago, i was laying in my bed, and when I'm tired and trying to sleep ( i have insomnia ) i scratch my head. I know it's odd but it's just a habit. So i had my hand right above my right ear and i felt something. Now i actually knew it was there since i found it years ago. It's a little raised thing that when i touch it, i can move it. Like there's something under my skin that isn't attached right. Now since I've had it for years and it hasn't grown i should say "eh whatever" but you know, it's me so i can't.
I was convinced it was a tumor when i found it before, and I'm convinced it is again. Two nights ago it just freaked me out but last night i was running through scenarios in my head where i was being told i had a very short time left to live. And it wouldn't go away. I mean i SAW myself saying goodbye to people. It's a horrid feeling let me tell you. I honestly can't write much more since I'm freaking myself out more. I'm going to post a little later about my social anxiety since i haven't touched on it yet. Until then, stay sane.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
My "good" night
Welcome back! So i think I'll give you guys ( I'll never say y'all even though i moved to NC where its a requirement ) a bit of insight into my night last night which was a GOOD night by my convoluted standards. So I'm not sure if i mentioned but i have, and have had since all this started at 7, a huge fear of choking. Throat closing up, unable to breath, passing out and no one finding me until I'm dead fear. Although i try to stand when i have this issue so when i fall, I'll make a huge thump and people will hear. No seriously. Where was i, ah yes, my insanity. :)
Last night i was taking my pills ( i take meds for anxiety although they don't help all that much but trust me it's way worse without ) and i got to the first pill which happens to be the largest. Not like, holy crap this is the size of a small animal large, like Advil large. But i have an issue with big pills because of the swallowing. It took me YEARS to be able to swallow Advil. Ever see a girl go through a whole bottle of Advil and not swallow one? Very amusing after the fact. Sorry, lost the train there. So i go to take the pill, swallow and it feels like it gets stuck in my throat. Now I'm sure EVERYONE has swallowed a pill that was a little rough going down, but for me my mind processes it differently.
My first thought is, holy crap, I'm going to choke. When that doesn't happen but the feeling remains, i think ok it's stuck in my throat and I'm still going to choke. Apparently i think my throat has custom shelves inside that can hold things. My red blood cells have knick knacks i guess. So i swallow my other pills hoping it will push the pill down. Now in my mind i KNOW it's not stuck. But this little part of my brain says "what if it is" and that's what gets me every time. That "what if this time it's real" voice. So i freak out for around 40 minutes, swallow lots of water and have a mint hoping it will be ok. Obviously i was but this is what i go through. Hell, typing this now my throat is getting tight.
This was a good night though, I'd say comparatively. I thought someone had broken into our house when i heard a door slam ( big fear here that they will come in and kill me ) but once i heard my brother's door close i was better. Although my FIRST thought was the "intruder" was going to get my brother. I'm more afraid of someone breaking in and hurting them or getting me in my sleep. Because my anxiety flys out a window when it comes to them. I'll let you in on a secret : i have a plan for a robber.
No seriously i do, my stand up lamp in my room has a heavy base and it would be my weapon of choice if someone really did try to break in. Ok well, i think this rant has gone on longer than i wanted it to, until next time, keep sane :).
Last night i was taking my pills ( i take meds for anxiety although they don't help all that much but trust me it's way worse without ) and i got to the first pill which happens to be the largest. Not like, holy crap this is the size of a small animal large, like Advil large. But i have an issue with big pills because of the swallowing. It took me YEARS to be able to swallow Advil. Ever see a girl go through a whole bottle of Advil and not swallow one? Very amusing after the fact. Sorry, lost the train there. So i go to take the pill, swallow and it feels like it gets stuck in my throat. Now I'm sure EVERYONE has swallowed a pill that was a little rough going down, but for me my mind processes it differently.
My first thought is, holy crap, I'm going to choke. When that doesn't happen but the feeling remains, i think ok it's stuck in my throat and I'm still going to choke. Apparently i think my throat has custom shelves inside that can hold things. My red blood cells have knick knacks i guess. So i swallow my other pills hoping it will push the pill down. Now in my mind i KNOW it's not stuck. But this little part of my brain says "what if it is" and that's what gets me every time. That "what if this time it's real" voice. So i freak out for around 40 minutes, swallow lots of water and have a mint hoping it will be ok. Obviously i was but this is what i go through. Hell, typing this now my throat is getting tight.
This was a good night though, I'd say comparatively. I thought someone had broken into our house when i heard a door slam ( big fear here that they will come in and kill me ) but once i heard my brother's door close i was better. Although my FIRST thought was the "intruder" was going to get my brother. I'm more afraid of someone breaking in and hurting them or getting me in my sleep. Because my anxiety flys out a window when it comes to them. I'll let you in on a secret : i have a plan for a robber.
No seriously i do, my stand up lamp in my room has a heavy base and it would be my weapon of choice if someone really did try to break in. Ok well, i think this rant has gone on longer than i wanted it to, until next time, keep sane :).
Monday, June 30, 2008
Welcome to My Blog
Hi there. So here's the deal, I'm making this blog to both help myself, and others who suffer from anxiety disorders. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who feels they are alone in having these issues, and I'm hoping this will prove to myself and others, we are not. So let me give you a bit of background. I'm twenty two years old, female, and live in NC. I have ( and have since i was 7 ) general anxiety, which for me means I'm constantly afraid of everything which i believe will lead to my death, hypochondria, which makes me constantly feel that every tiny symptom or odd feeling associated with my body will ultimately lead to an illness which will kill me, and social anxiety, which makes it impossible for me to talk to, in front of, or around peers. I'll delve into all of them at some point but I'd like this blog to be a daily account of both my past and current experiences and i need to leave you guys coming back wanting more :). For today i think I'll tell you about my Hypochondria issues since I'd like to have a running account of my daily "illnesses", and also because it is very misunderstood. Yes, some of them will be funny, go ahead and laugh, i don't mind ;.).
So, here is my deal with Hypochondria : i think it gets a bad rap. I remember sitting in high school health class ( who didn't love THAT bunch of BS? ) and we were discussing mental illnesses. My health teacher ( a very odd man BTW ) got to hypochondria and i thought "great, maybe these other people will learn something!" But no, Mr. Health Moron decided to educate (pfft) us by telling us about his "friend" with "hypochondria" . This is literally the story : He was sitting watching tv one night with a female friend of his ( who he claimed had hypochondria ) and a commercial for testicular cancer ( btw who has a comerical for that? ) and his friend goes "OH! I'VE GOT TESTICULAR CANCER". Because she saw an ad for it.... seriously WTF. First off, doesn't work like that. Say i was watching a commercial talking about disease x, and they said the symptoms were headache, rash, and black plague-esque boils. Well, the second i got a headache i would think "oh jeez, what if i have disease x?!" It would freak me out completely even though i never got boils. I would think this one symptom that is indicative of NOTHING would lead to this disease which would kill me. And i would work myself up, search for a rash, boils, making sure.
Now beyond that, i have certain diseases i ALWAYS think i have. Brain tumor, appendicitis ( excuse the spelling on that ) and aneurysm. Brain tumor and the aneurysms both stem from any headache i get that is either one of those long lasting ones, or in a certain spot. And i very much think i am going to die from it. Imagine you go to the doctor and he finds a bump and says to you. "It looks like nothing, but it may be cancer." That's how every hypochondrial fear feels to me. That i may die from it. It's a shitty way to live let me tell you, and it happens at the very least ( and on a good day ) twice a day. Imagine feeling as if YOU WILL DIE, two times a day. Think about that next time you think someone with hypochondria is just a baby.
So, here is my deal with Hypochondria : i think it gets a bad rap. I remember sitting in high school health class ( who didn't love THAT bunch of BS? ) and we were discussing mental illnesses. My health teacher ( a very odd man BTW ) got to hypochondria and i thought "great, maybe these other people will learn something!" But no, Mr. Health Moron decided to educate (pfft) us by telling us about his "friend" with "hypochondria" . This is literally the story : He was sitting watching tv one night with a female friend of his ( who he claimed had hypochondria ) and a commercial for testicular cancer ( btw who has a comerical for that? ) and his friend goes "OH! I'VE GOT TESTICULAR CANCER". Because she saw an ad for it.... seriously WTF. First off, doesn't work like that. Say i was watching a commercial talking about disease x, and they said the symptoms were headache, rash, and black plague-esque boils. Well, the second i got a headache i would think "oh jeez, what if i have disease x?!" It would freak me out completely even though i never got boils. I would think this one symptom that is indicative of NOTHING would lead to this disease which would kill me. And i would work myself up, search for a rash, boils, making sure.
Now beyond that, i have certain diseases i ALWAYS think i have. Brain tumor, appendicitis ( excuse the spelling on that ) and aneurysm. Brain tumor and the aneurysms both stem from any headache i get that is either one of those long lasting ones, or in a certain spot. And i very much think i am going to die from it. Imagine you go to the doctor and he finds a bump and says to you. "It looks like nothing, but it may be cancer." That's how every hypochondrial fear feels to me. That i may die from it. It's a shitty way to live let me tell you, and it happens at the very least ( and on a good day ) twice a day. Imagine feeling as if YOU WILL DIE, two times a day. Think about that next time you think someone with hypochondria is just a baby.
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